Tuesday, January 3, 2012


Hard to believe that we are starting a new year already.  Its hard to believe that you aren't here yet too.  Christmas lost some of its joy this year- as Facebook was constantly filled with pictures of babies and children and pregnancies that seemed so easy. 

This week we make another trip to Shands in Gainesville.  Its not a hard one- just consent forms and a psych evaluation.  Also the final the results from the last set of blood work.  If all goes well we will get final approval to start the IVF process.  However we are waiting till after this year's legislative session so my stress levels are not through the roof.  Hopefully this gives me some time to lose some weight and get my back ready for a pregnancy.  Its out again and I can't imagine carrying you- or twins with it this way. 

The end of the year is always exciting for me- and this year its not.  I've been out of the office for 2 weeks and it was incredibly hard to make myself go this morning after my doctor appointment.  Not being pregnant has taken the joy out of so many things for me....and I'm worried that in tomorrow's psych appointment I will not "pass" because of this borderline depression I'm in.  But I believe that God's will will carry me through all of this and what is meant to be will be. 

With tears in my eyes,

Your hopeful mother

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