Monday, December 5, 2011

Clomiphene Citrate Challenge Test (CCCT)

WOW!!!  Big words and yet another test that must be done before we can proceed with IVF.  Actually, its the last test that needs to be done before we get started (with the exception of our psych evaluation- uh oh).  This test is going to measure your Mom's ability to produce eggs.  Up until this point most of the testing and numbers have depended on your Dad- and I've pretty much been ignored.  Now its my turn.  Today I head to Shands (sans Dad since he has a fertilizer bill up that he needs to testify on) for blood work and other work to measure hormone levels.  Tomorrow I will start some mild hormones and stay on those for 5 days.  Then next week head back to Shands to see if my levels are acceptable.  No one seems to think it will be an issue- but I am terrified that it will be another problem that we have to deal with.  If my levels aren't correct- we will not be able to proceed with IVF and will be left with very few options to have you.  So I am praying and praying and praying that my hormones are normal.  Off to couple of meetings and then making that long drive to Shands for the CCCT



Monday, November 28, 2011

Stockings hung by the chimney with care...

I admit, it was hard for me to get motivated to decorate for Christmas this year- my heart really wasn't in it.  I have the best memories from my childhood of Christmas- at my Granny and Papa's in Tennessee and all the times I got to help my Mom decorate.  I always thought one day I would establish those traditions with my own children and yesterday it struck me that it may not be an option. 

Last year was your Dad and my first Christmas as an old married couple.  As I put each ornament on the tree and watched him hang the lights I just knew that this year you would be with us.  If not a wee little baby in a bassinet - then at least hanging around my middle making my back ache.  This year, as I hung the stockings I was painfully aware that the only one we added was for Cracker.  Now, while Cracker is a pretty awesome cat- he isn't a baby.  So we still have an empty stocking hanger. 

Any day now I will start my "clomid challenge test"- which somehow is supposed to measure my ability to produce eggs which will hopefully become embryos and  So next year, the days immediately following Thanksgiving (a family tradition) I hope that I am able to put an extra stocking (or 2) by the chimney with care.



Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I have to do what?!?!?!?

Dear Child that I do not yet know:

While many will consider this blog, that I hope you one day read, to be a very sentimental thing, I am not a mushy gushy kinda lady or writer.  Once you grow out of a teenage phase that I am already dreading, you will see I am mostly a laugh at myself, because everyone else already is kinda woman.  While I am emotional- I am not one to wax poetically. goes nothing.

On Monday, your Dad and I found out that the only way we will get to meet you is through IVF.  or Invitrofertilization.  I think I spelled that right? I'm an awful speller.  Let me tell you that as prepared as I was for the news it still has knocked me off my axis a little.  While my life, and your Dad's, has been far from perfect- let's go ahead and fess up that most everything has come fairly easy to us- with the exception of us (but that's a WHOLE nother blog and book).  So to learn that the only way we will have a child with our genetics is through a very impersonal and expensive medical procedure just hasn't set well with us.  But let me give your Dad big props....without even batting an eyelid he looked at me and Dr. Williams and said, "ok- we will do whatever we have to do".  I LOVE THAT MAN!!!! 

By the time you are old enough to read this you will know that at this point we have been married for just over a year and have been trying to have you for just as long.  All our friends and family kept saying "relax, it will happen"- but all along I just had a feeling that we might need help- not this kind of help, but some help.  So after year- and some tests off we go to Shands at the University of Florida to have Baby Spratt. 

I think its either irony or appropriate that we are going to Shands.  We met in Gainesville, first dated in Gainesville and are both UF grads... I am looking forward to the next time the alumni association calls and asks for a donation- I am going to tell them exactly where it went :-)

I have a feeling we are starting on a journey that will be less than pleasant- but for an amazing outcome and that's why I journaling it here.  I'm not ready to share my feelings with the world- but I need to share them.  I hope one day, when you are (or both of you- I'm a couponer so I am ALL for BOGO) reading this you know that even before we knew you could be that we loved you, and fought very hard to have you. 

With much love,