One day till Embryo Transfer

I can not believe how quickly the last few days have gone by!!  As long and slow as the process seems- once things got moving it really did go by quickly.

Right now I am waiting on the final report from the clinic on the condition of our embryos- but yesterday things were looking pretty good. 

We had the egg retreival on Friday the 13th!!!!  But I think it was a lucky day.  Out of the 40 or so follicles I had, only 11 mature eggs were harvested.  I am not going to lie-  that was really really really painful.  Even though I was sedated and had some pain medication it hurt.  Basically they use a really large needle, poke holes in your vaginal wall to get to your ovaries to suck out the follicles/eggs.  It hurt and I cried.   I hate crying.  I hate seeming to be like a baby.  But in the end it was worth it to get 11 eggs.

Out of the 11 eggs they only attempted to fertilize 10.  From there 9 fertilized, but only 8 fertilized normally. 

The report on Sunday said that we still have 5 embryos growing at normal pace, and the other 3 were a little slower.  However, they all had extremely thick shells.  I think its a good indication that you are going to be hard headed- but with our genetics that was a given I think!!!  Since they all have thick shells we are going to have to do assisted hatching.  In assisted hatching they use a laser to "crack" the embryo and up the chances of it implanting in the uterus. 

We are doing Day 5 transfer (meaning 5 days past egg retrevial)- which I thought would be bad- but all the research I have done indicates its good.  It seems that it isn't till Day 5 that the embryo would be introduced into the uterus anyway-  so this is more normal than Day 3 transfers and it gives them the best chance to determine which 2 embyros are the strongest. 

I am trying not to get too excited right now-  but its hard not too!!  I just know you will be our little Christmas baby-  more proof of God's love for us. 

With much love,

Mom

P.S.  spell check isn't working- so ignore my "hooked on phonics" mistakes

Trigger Day!!!

In your life- trigger will probably be only referred to when we are discussing guns.  Your Dad is a big hunter and both of us grew up in "outdoorsy" homes- so guns are not something you won't be exposed too.  However, today, when I "pulled the trigger" it was to give myself the HCG shot that will allow all the follicles that I have growing to release so that they can be harvested on Friday.

Your Dad called me his Grand Champion Laying Hen (this sealed the deal for your first 4-H project btw)- and that's what I feel like right now.  On my right ovary I have 5 good size follicles and 8 smaller ones.  On my left ovary I had 18 good size follicles and 10 smaller ones.  Overall right now I am a very productive egg producer. 

I am really excited today-  I pray that God lets one of these many eggs be you.  I can already imagine it....


With much love,

Mom 

Inching forward

This morning was a great appointment for blood work and an ultrasound.  Dr. Williams and our regular nurse were not there- but Sue was and she performed the ultra sound.  Sue, either because she is female or because she is a nice person, is a LOT more talkative than Dr. Williams.  She made my day when she first saw my left ovary and said, "Wow! Lots of follicles on this one!  This is really good!".  Dr. Williams is much more clinical. 

Long story short-  I have 20+ follicles on the left ovary (12 of which are good sized) and I have 8 follicles on the right ovary (4 of which are good sized) and I am really coming along well.  I don't have the results from my blood work yet- but according to Sue (which will always make me think of Johnny Cash) we are looking like we may be set for the trigger shot on Wednesday!!!  Woo Hoo!!! 

For the first time I am really excited!  I mean super excited!  It does mean about another week of doctor's appointments (and I am really ready to go home) but I'm happy that we have made progress.  Now here is to hoping your Dad's swimmers have been properly preparing themselves. 

With much love,

Mom 

As the world turns

Your grandmother didn't graduate from college until I was in middle school.  Of course she didn't stop there, went on to get her Masters and start on her doctorate- but that was when I was older and your Uncles John and Adam were a little bit older too. 

But when I was a kid she was a stay-at-home Mom.  She was really lucky in that way.  I remember lots of friends and lots of stuff to do- I have no clue how they did it.  I remember once Mom saying Dad made $500/week.  It seemed like so much money then, but now it seems impossible to have lived on, much less had 3 kids and only one income. 

One of my memories as a kid was my Mom's soap operas.  She watched CBS-  so "As the World Turns", "Guiding Light" and "The Bold and the Beautiful".  Not sure how I know all of this since soap opera time was nap time.  Once I pretended to sleep walk, under my blue blankie (which I have with me today at Uncle Adam's-  30 years later and its still what I want when I'm scared) into the den and plopped down on the floor to watch the soaps.  In my memory Mom didn't say a word-  not sure how it really went down though :-)

What I remember about this soap operas was that each day was the same and seemed painfully boring to me- but the events were high drama and high stakes.  That's how these days feel to me right now, boring, each the same yet high stakes. 

Dad and I moved into Uncle Adam's yesterday.  It is a trailer in the trailer park that I lived in during college, Uncle John and your Aunt Melissa too.  Oak Park Village (affectionally called AGR West and Okeechobee North) used to be a pretty cool little trailer park.  Now its pretty much sketchy and scary.  Uncle Adam is cheap.  So he doesn't have any cable or tv.  So after my blood work yesterday we just kinda sat around the trailer until it was time to go to lunch.  Then came back and sat around the trailer until it was time to go get food for dinner.  Then sat around the trailer until your Dad went stir crazy and we went bowling.  This morning I'm sitting around the trailer, working on the computer but bored to death and I can't fathom a week more of this. 

Yesterday was just blood work.  But my levels went up by more than 100%.  My first E2 (estridol) was 58- but yesterday it was 174.  This makes me very happy.  It also makes my stomach very odd feeling.  But no pain no gain right? 

No doctors appointments today (Friday) but we do have another one on Saturday.  This one will be blood work and my first ultra sound so we can start figuring out the size and true number of follicles I have.  The more the merrier (and better).  We also have an awards breakfast for your Dad- who is a UF Young Alumni of the Year followed by the orange and blue game.  Hey-- this is going to be your first Gator football game!!!  Of course you are just a growing egg- but we will take it.  After the football game we are going to walk to the UF vs LSU baseball game. 

So, as the world turns today, I will be sitting in this trailer, hoping that you are growing and producing lots of estridol. 

With much love,

Mom

2, 4, 23, 38, 46 Mega Ball = 23

Last week the largest lottery jackpot in the history of all lotteries ($640 million) was won by 3 people.  Your Dad and I actually drove up to Georgia after an appointment at Shands to buy tickets.  The winning numbers were not our numbers- so we both are still going to work each day.  But really- life is all about the numbers. 

The day we bought our Mega Millions tickets we started our day in Gainesville.  That day I had good numbers.  7 antral follicles on 1 ovary and 10 on the other.  My hormone levels were officially suppressed and I was given the go ahead to start stimulation medicine. 

They decreased my 20mm of Lupron down to 5mm and I added 200mm of Follistim and 1 vial of Repronex.  This combination of numbers are supposed to stimulate my follicles into development. 

Yesterday we went back to Gainesville for another round of blood work and those numbers were not so great.  I had asked the phlombotomist what a good estridiol level would be.  She said she would be happy with 100.  It never occurred to me that I wouldn't have that level.  I've responded well to every medication given me- I have no known issues.  So when Jessica called and said my E2 level was only 58 I was devastated.  They upped my Follistim to 250mm and I will come in for blood work on Thursday again.  Not blood work and ultrasound. 

The 58 number causes another number- 508.  The amount of money we will need to spend to get more Follistim.  Assuming the pharmacy opens up again after the tornadoes in Texas.  It also adds at least 2 days to our cycle.  I know I am not a patient person- but it seems cruel of God to extend this ordeal.  Of course it seems cruel of God that we even have to do this.  But the Lord works in mysterious ways and I learned long ago to never question him. 

Tomorrow when we go back to Gainesville for my blood work we go back for the duration (or at least until egg retrieval).  I am praying for better numbers so that we can see you soon...

Love,

Mom 

We're Stimming stimming

Things are getting exciting around here now o child of mine.  Yesterday I started my "stimulation" medicine.  Or "stims" as the fertility forums call them.  These will take my now suppressed ovaries and put them into super ovulation mode.  This week during my ultra sound we have an initial 17 antral follicles.  We could end up with more- but my nurse said that's a good number to start with.  The meds I am on now, Repronex and Follistim, will help to mature as many of those follicles as possible.  During a normal cycle only one- or maybe two- will mature.  Our goal is too have as many mature as possible, so we can fertilize as many as possible so we can hopefully have the very best embryos to chose from. 

I am also still on the Lupron so that I don't ovulate early.  That makes three shots- but luckily I get to mix the Lupron with the Repronex and only have two shots.  I'm hoping that now that my Lupron dose is much lower my headaches will go away.  I've basically had a headache non-stop since I started it-  11 days ago.  That hasn't been the case yet- but its only day 2 of the lower dose.  The shots are interesting.  I wasn't sure I could give them to myself at first.  And each time I go to give myself a shot I kinda freak myself out a little.  The Lupron didn't really hurt that much- just itched a little afterwards.  My new mixture of Lupron/Repronex burns when I am injecting it and then feels fine.  The follistim itches and burns for about an hour afterward. 

We aren't sure how long we will be "stimming"- it could be as short as 6 days or as long as two weeks.  It basically means lots of trips to Gainesville and at the end of this week we are going to just take Polly and go live with your Uncle Adam for a few days.  Gas is now at $4/gallon and even with my fake SUV its expensive to drive back and forth. 

We are getting close little one.  I will keep praying for our positive outcome so we can meet before the year is over.

Love,

Your very emotional mother

The emotions that plague me

It is hard for me to focus on anything these days.  Part of me thinks that is typical post-session issues, part of me thinks its because I am so underwhelmed in my job and the biggest part of me knows its because we are in the beginning of the "last hoorah". 

After the initial shock of giving myself the Lupron shots- it has been kind of a let down.  At this point I am not being monitored-no one even checked in with me to make sure my meds had arrived and I started my shots- or if I was having any issues with the shots.  Yet starting next week I will be monitored almost constantly and will have major disruptions to my schedule.  The biggest issue with going to Gainesville for our treatment is the drive.  2.5 hrs- and we will never know more than 12 hours ahead of time if we need to head back. 

So this morning when a particularly sappy brother/sister commercial came on- and I cried.  And when I woke up this morning I had an awful headache I thought- typical with this protocol.  But are they related to the hormone shots or just my true emotions coming forth? 

I feel like I should be excited that we are finally doing this.  But I am not.  I am terrified it won't work.  I am terrified that we will use all of our resources and have nothing.  I am sad that I am sad and I am afraid to be excited and jinx ourselves.  I want to look forward to a positive pregnancy test- but then worry that I won't even be excited about that because I will then move on to worrying about a miscarriage.  I am plagued by sadness while trying to put on a good front-  laugh at myself and act like none of this is a big deal.  I am doing yoga- taking "calming baths", massage, acupuncture- the works. Yet I am still overwhelming sad and pessimistic. 

So future child of mine-  know that even when things look good on the outside- they are often tumultuous on the inside.  When someone seems disconnected- it usually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.  When someone seems to have a perfect life and just laughs at problems that they face-  know that when they are alone they probably are letting loose of the emotions that plaque them. 

With much love,

Mom